i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
