i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
