please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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