I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
