Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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