My liver just broke up with me...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
