you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
