why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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