I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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