I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
