Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
