i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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