i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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