Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
