Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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