Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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