What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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