well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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