I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
