wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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