So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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