im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So. Much. Porn.
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