ugly people sure do ruin things
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
