Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
