How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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