Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
