i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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