Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
