We're like a lot better than the average bears
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
