And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
