I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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