The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
