My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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