I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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