there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
