i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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