Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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