College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
