don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
