i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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