I cockslap morals
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
