can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
