I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We left the knife in your bed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
