wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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