Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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