I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
