My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
