Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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