and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
