I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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