I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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