Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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