You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
