I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
