guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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