This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
