K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Define "chronic" masturbator.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
