jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
