1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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