I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
