I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
