look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
