better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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