We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
