we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
