He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
