i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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